Triathlons and Child Birth/Labor

I am not afraid to say it.  I think that child birth/labor, and training and competing in a triathlon are similar in many ways.  I’ll wait while my female readers, especially those who are pregnant or who have gone through labor, go to the kitchen to get rotten tomatoes, funky heads of lettuce, raw eggs and the like, to throw at me.  Take your best shot!  Throw with everything you’ve got!  Please know that this invitation is only open to you while you sit in front of your computer and is NOT an invitation to pelt me with objects of any kind in-person.  I would not be nearly as brave if I was actually standing in front of you, but I can be virtual He-Man hiding behind the impenetrable walls of your computer screen, the internet and my computer.  Yell at me and tell me that I have no idea what I am talking about… I can take it (you can actually leave comments for me – maybe I shouldn’t mention that though).

I fully admit that I have no clue whatsoever about the actual pain experienced during child birth.  However, I have been in the labor room and spent the entire child birth experience with my wife for all three of my kids, so I do know a little something about the pain experienced by my wife as an observer.  As a result of this experience, I will be the first to say that I highly doubt that the pain and distress that is experienced during triathlon training (assuming that training doesn’t involve some sort of horrendously painful injury) is not even on the same planet as the pain experienced during child birth.  But, here are some of the similarities that I have observed:

It is ALL about the breathing:

Whether you are a professional Lamaze breather who, in your mind, can transform your pain into fluttering butterflies and gurgling brooks, or you haven’t taken a single birthing class, I can guarantee you that during labor a trained medical professional will tell you, the birthing mother, over and over (and over…) to breathe.  I can’t tell you what the medical reason is for the breathing, for all I know the breathing thing is just a ploy to focus moms on something other than the intense pain that they are experiencing, but child birth is all about the breathing.  Triathlons, at least for me, are all about the breathing, too, for a couple of reasons.  First, from a biological point of view, O need to breathe in order to exert myself.  No breathe, no move.  Second, focusing on my breathing gives me a mental center that often takes my mind off of the pain.  Breathing at a steady controlled pace requires concentration (at least for me, which might be a function of my lower-level intelligence) and when I am concentrating on breathing, I focus less on all the reasons why I want to stop.  Third, breathing helps me set my pace, taking a breath and exhaling for every two or three strides or strokes, as the case may be.  This allows me to maintain a steady pace, as opposed to vacillating my speed and output.

You know that it is going to be over (eventually):

What gets me through my training is knowing that eventually I will be done, even if “eventually” is going to be in a couple of hours.  Sure, I don’t have to change a triathlon’s diaper or save up for a triathlon’s college fund (it is never over with kids, is it?), but my comparison pertains to the immediate challenge at hand, not the long term issues.

There are moments when you (irrationally) hate everyone:

Usually, at the 25% - 35% point of a 6 mile run, a .93 mile swim or on any sort of incline that I encounter on my bike, I start to hate people for no rational reason at all.  I usually start with myself for agreeing to train for the event, I hate the people who sponsored me (even though I love you!) because if they hadn’t already sponsored me I could drop out (please sponsor me if you haven’t already!), I hate my coaches who motivate me and give me training assignments, I hate the people who encouraged me to train, etc.  As for child birth, we have all seen the movies where a woman in labor starts yelling irrationally at everyone in the room.  Now I know that this doesn’t happen in every labor room, but I am sure that is not a rare occurrence, albeit the yelling might be less dramatic, or the anger might be held inside and yelled in the mind (like I do).

There is a strong temptation to use drugs:

While a good number of women deliver “naturally” many others swear by their epidural.  Personally, I have blogged about my understanding of endurance athletes who use performance enhancing drugs (see “I Forgive You Lance Armstrong).  However, I will compete in this triathlon “naturally” – even though I am the proud owner of the website www.CheatStrong.com.  Ladies, for what it’s worth – if you want to experience pain take the epidural and then run a triathlon, you’ll be in better physical shape and it will hurt less to train for a triathlon (though it will take longer to finish). 

So there you have it.  There are more comparisons, but I think that I have provided you with enough ammunition food for thought.  Your comments are always appreciated.  Moms, thank you for tolerating all my musing.  Don’t forget that it is Father’s Day on Sunday!!!