A Triathlete Walks Into a Bar…

It has been almost a month since I started training for the Jarden Westchester Triathlon and I have made real strides towards my three main goals (weight loss, fundraising and finishing time).   Thanks to you (and only those of you who have already donated – j/k), I have raised almost $500, and thanks to my coaches, I am that much closer to surviving a 25 mile bicycle ride (see earlier posts for why).  Over the past couple of weeks I have come to comprehend the idea of finishing a triathlon, albeit over the course of 3 days and not three hours.  However, that is a big step forward from 30 seconds into my first 2.5 mile run, when I thought that I was going to fail, and then 30 seconds after that first run, whenI was sure that I was going to fail.  When I asked about how they did it, all of the Skippy’s Team alums said the same things: (i) “If I could do it, you can do it”; (ii) “If (insert name of person who completed the event last year) did it, you can too; and (iii) “Don’t worry - follow the program, work hard, and you’ll be fine.”  Funny enough, those three messages were identical to those I heard almost exactly 5 years ago regarding a totally different challenge that I encountered.

This evening, my brother-in-law will graduate from law school (congratulations!) and will join the tens of thousands of law school graduates who have completed their law school education in 2011.  While many of us think of a graduation ceremony as a celebratory event that marks the completion of a significant course of education, many law students view it as a study break.  You see, for many law school graduates, graduation means taking a break from studying for the Bar Examination.  There is no rest for the weary.  The multistate portion of the Bar will be given this year on July 27, 2011 and state-specific exams are given over the next day (or two, if you are taking exams for multiple states).  As a result, law students go straight from the fire and into the oven, starting Bar exam prep almost immediately after their last finals.  That means a Bar prep classes in the morning and law school graduations in the evening.

Why do Bar prep courses start so soon after graduation?  Simply put, failure is not an option; or at least it isn’t an option that you want to deal with.  The consequences of failure can include the additional cost of Bar prep materials, loss of time, loss of self-esteem (yes, your friends and classmates do check the publicly-released list to see if you passed), some firms will not hire you until you have passed the bar, and you can lose your job if you fail.  So the point is that you really want to pass. 

Is it easy to pass the Bar exam(at least in NY and CA)?  Ask Kathleen Sullivan, former dean of Stanford Law School (the #3 ranked law school in the U.S.).  Years after passing the Bar exam first time and after holding the position of Stanford Law’s dean, Sullivan took the Bar exam a second time so that she could practice in California.  She failed (note: historically, 96 – 98% graduates of Stanford Law pass the bar on their first try – just a bit embarrassing for the dean!).

For most law school graduates, getting more than 25% of your first set of multiple choice Bar practice questions correct is a minor victory (the law of averages says that you should get 20% correct by just guessing on multiple choice questions that have 5 answer choices).  That is a ways away from the 70% or so correct that students need to target to pass (assuming you receive an average essay score).   Panic attacks and freak outs can occur as early as week one, are common in week four and are a constant in weeks seven through ten. 

There are usually three constant refrains Bar-studiers will hear from attorneys who have passed the Bar exam: (i) “If I can do it, you can do it”; (ii) “Think of the dumbest lawyers that you know – they all passed and so will you”; and (iii) “Don’t worry – work hard, study according to the plan your course gave you and sometime during the week before or two weeks before the test it will all come together and you will be fine.”

So, triathletes, how do you like being compared to a bunch of lawyers?

Having passed the Bar exam (I had good reason to freak out with four weeks left to go before the exam, but passed with flying colors, in the end), I trust the advice of my alum-teammates (even the advice I’ve received from the lawyers in the group).  So to all of you law school grads, I’ll be thinking of you as I grind out the last half-mile of my bike/swim/run this summer.  And what I’ll be thinking is, “better you than me.”

LEFT!

Prior to this past Friday, I have been on a bicycle one time in the past 17 years.  Somehow, my wife, Elana, and I thought that the most intelligent way to experience San Francisco was to take a bicycle-built-for-two across the Golden Gate Bridge into Sausalito, and then to take a ferry back to San Fran.  What we did not know was that this trip included driving on heavily trafficked roads and not just the pretty park path that you take to the bridge.  What we did know is that Elana had ridden a bike once(!) in her life and the experience went as follows:  Elana’s father was trying to teach her how to ride a bike and  on her first attempt she fell (like most first timers); Elana’s father raised his voice at her for some reason; Elana got upset and stormed off promising that she would never ride a bicycle again.  She didn’t (at least until SF).  In short, it is amazing that we survived, San Francisco is beautiful and the best way to tour the city is on a cable car, not a bicycle.  But, I digress.

So, I went out for a ride with (forgiving) friends on Friday morning for about an hour and it went pretty well, so I was all geared up for this morning’s training ride – my first with the group, my first with coaches and my first with clip-in bicycle cleats.  Cleats(?) some of you may ask, as I did.  Yes, cleats.  There is a cleat at the bottom of a special bicycle sneaker that attaches to special pedals, which are designed to accept cleats.  The advantage of a cleat (to over simplify) is that your foot is always in the proper location to transfer power to the pedal and, because you are attached, you also get power from the backswing of your pedal, as you pull upwards.  All of this means a faster and more efficient bike ride.  The significant downside is that if you don’t unclip before you come to a stop, your foot can still be attached to the pedal, and instead of gently leaning on your foot as you come to a stop you will find yourself gently crashing down on your shoulder, hip and thigh as you come to a more painful and abrupt stop.

This morning I made a new friend by de-cleating too slowly, just in time to avoid crashing to the ground by putting my foot down, sticking out my hand and placing it my new not-friend’s shoulder (purely instinctively, I had no idea what was going on) and nearly sent him flying.  Thankfully, he was not clipped in and was able to regain his balance.  I was told, nicely, but sternly, by my coaches that I needed to VERY careful when clipped in and I must think ahead, or I could really hurt myself or someone else.

A few minutes later, our coaches told the group, in no uncertain terms, that we should ALWAYS pass on the left and, before passing a rider, we need to shout out “Left!” or “Passing Left!”  This is common courtesy, so as not to surprise a rider who can’t see you, and also an anti-crash precaution, in case the rider in front was going to move out to the left as you were passing (CRASH!).  I was very good about moving to the left and yelling out “Left!” when I passed a rider.  Apparently, my presumption that moving to the left was an appropriate evasive action when a large, Westchester County Bus rode up behind you was 100% wrong.  This time, one of the coaches yelled at me the way I have yelled at one of my children when they nearly ran into the middle of a street.  “Even if you were right to move to the left, but you were killed, you would still be dead!  You would be right!  But, you would be dead!”  I had been scolded (and deservedly so) for the second time in the day by someone I had just met and it was barely 9:30am. 

However, I think the strangest moment of the day came as I drove home in my car.  After merging onto the Hutchinson River Parkway, I gained speed and soon signaled into the left lane.  As I moved onto the back hip of the car in the right lane and accelerated to pass, I actually found myself saying, out loud, “Left!”  Maybe there is some hope for me after all.

Humility & Inspiration

The “The Serenity Prayer”, written by Reinhold Niebuhr and adapted by Alcoholics Anonymous, includes the following:

“Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other…”

I am perplexed.  As I am in my fourth week of training, I have tried the whole “courage” thing (a healthy dose of “Eye of the Tiger”), but, unfortunately, I am not sure whether I have the “wisdom” to know whether my inability to complete a triathlon is something that “cannot be changed”.  I am try, I really am - I am working hard, training four to five days a week.  However, I keep hitting walls at the 40 minute to 1 hour mark, which make me question whether I will be able to compete in a triathlon for 3.5 hours.

Enter Beatriz.  This past Sunday, at the first Team-In-Training training meet up, I ran 3.1 miles at a very nice clip, but I was completely beat afterwards.  After cooling down and relaxing a little bit, I was ready to head back to my car and head home, when Beatriz, a woman who I met at the Team-In-Training kickoff event, came into sight.  I haven’t asked Beatriz for her permission to write about her, so I will err on the side of under-disclosing personal information, but what I can tell you is that if you met her you would NEVER(!) guess that she ever completed a triathlon.  She is in good shape, but she does not look like a triathlete, though she completed her first triathlon last year.  She completed the triathlon in over five and a half hours (the vast majority of competitors finish in between two and a half and three and a half hours).  FIVE AND A HALF HOURS – I can’t even imagine pushing my body as hard as it can go for over an hour, yet Beatriz had the mental and physical fortitude to do it for almost a quarter of a day.  Anyway, as she neared me, I asked her if she was done and she replied that she was going to run a little farther…

…Apparently, I was not done for the day.  I joined her.  We ran a little more and I got to learn more about Beatriz’s experience last year, her motivations to compete (e.g. - setting a good example for her teenage daughters, improving health, raising money for LLS, etc.).  We ran a little more and I learned about how training changed her life and her daily routine.  We ran a little more, and as we did I felt less and less formidable and more and more inspired.  I accidentally jogged another 2.25 miles with Beatriz.

So right now, my goal is to finish the triathlon in five and a half hours – Beatriz promised me that I would definitely be able to do that.

We We Fight - And Why You Should Support

Unequivocally, my favorite cinematic work (movie, tv series, mini-series, etc.) of all time is Band of Brothers.  Though The Karate Kid tugs at my heartstrings (it was the only video I had for about 3 years of my life, and I watched the movie about 50 times), Steven Spielberg & Tom Hanks produced an epic in Band of Brothers that develops characters with tremendous depth, brings to life the multiple realities of war and takes the viewer on a the personal journeys of the young men who risked their lives and gave their lives for their country.  It is thrilling, thought provoking, emotionally gut-wrenching and humbling.  If you have not seen the series, borrow it, buy it, steal it (ok, don’t steal it) and watch it.

The ninth, and second-to-last, episode of Band of Brothers is titled “Why We Fight.”  This episode covers the discovery of the concentration camps by the U.S. armed forces, as the front moved closer and closer to Germany.  After the hell that the U.S. soldiers faced battling Nazi troops and the losses that they incurred, discovering the camps made it clear that there was a purpose and reason for their sacrifices.

On Wednesday night, I attended an informational session for Skippy’s Team and the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  The meeting was informative, the testimonials given by last year’s participants were inspiring and meeting the coaches was a real confidence booster, but something else moved me far more.  I didn’t know Stephen Lubofsky well since I was fairly new to the New Rochelle community when he fell ill.  I know who his children are, but they probably have no idea who I am, and on the way to the meeting, I passed by Stephen’s oldest son and, as I did, I knew the reason why I needed to complete this triathlon.

Sure, getting in shape is a good reason to train for a triathlon and so is setting a personal goal and achieving it.  However, there is a far more important goal that I have my eyes and heart focused on – my children, and the children who are impacted by leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma.  As some of you know, I have three little children, and I love them a ton.  I don’t worry too much about myself, but I worry about my children.  The mission of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) is, “Cure leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, and improve the quality of life of patients and their families.”  The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society is there for the sick and for their families, and they are working towards a cure not only for those with leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease and myeloma, they are working for the families who are impacted. This is why we fight; this is why I tri.  It is for everyone who is battling illness, it is for everyone who will have to battle illness, it is for the families fighting alongside, the families who bare the scares of the fight and for those families who have lost someone to leukemia, lymphoma, Hodgkin's disease or myeloma.

I can’t claim to be the most charitable person; I am far from it.  I also know that there are thousands upon thousands of worthy charities out there that deserve your support.  All I can say is that after Wednesday night’s meeting I know that I am going to train for and finish this triathlon to support a most worthy cause.  I have to say that training has been hard and has not been so much fun (I’ve tweaked and strained about 4 different muscle groups so far – and yes, you are all welcome to join my pity party), but I hope that my efforts will encourage you to support me and support the mission of LLS.

You can click on this link and sponsor/support my triathlon here.  Please give generously.  I will not let you down. 

--  On another topic, does anyone have a good road bicycle or triathlon bike hanging around?  Right now, I might end up cycling 25 miles on my old bright red BMX bike… I won’t be so fast or comfortable, but no other triathlete will be able to compete with my gnarly jumps!

I Might Be Able To Forgive You, Lance Armstrong

If Lance Armstrong is found guilty of doping, I may just have to forgive him.

The fact is that I hate that there is doping in sports.  The idea that people cheat, using illegal and possibly dangerous drugs, is disturbing.  It makes sports more dangerous and less fun.

In full disclosure, I sort of dope, especially during the winter and allergy season.  I am on a daily regime of Zyrtec (OTC), Cingulair and Advair (the baby dose, usually), and I will take one shot of Xopenex before engaging in athletic activities.  I have a doctor’s prescription for all my drugs and they serve the purpose of addressing symptoms such as sneezing, runny nose, watery eyes and my inability to breath normally (Cingulair, Advair and Xopenex are all targeted at allowing my lungs to function normally) caused by my allergies.  During the winter, I drop the Zyrtec, but I keep up my asthma-drug regimen to address my athletic induced asthma.  I try to take a break from drugging myself during the summer when the hot air helps to mitigate the effects of athletic induced asthma.

But, enough about me. 

This past year, Barry Bonds was tried and found guilty of obstruction of justice for lying to a federal grand jury about the fact that had used illegal, performance enhancing drugs (which are also known as PEDs).  Bonds was acquitted of some of the charges levied against him and a mistrial was declared on other charges, but that is getting away from the point. 

What is amazing to me is that the charges levied against Barry Bonds are child’s play relative to the charges that could potentially be leveled against Lance Armstrong (yes, that “Live Strong”, Sheryl Crow’s ex, Lance Armstrong).  The U.S. Department of Justice has asked Interpol officials, including French, Belgian and Italian officials, for help in gathering information on an alleged international doping program, allegedly formed and utilized by Armstrong and his U.S. Postal Service cycling team.  Charges of fraud and conspiracy may be pursued and phone and bank records are being gathered by the DOJ.  Agents from the FBI, IRS, DEA and the FDA are all involved in the investigation, with the DOJ serving as the lead agency.  This is much bigger than the Roger Clemens or Barry Bonds investigations ever were.

So this past Wednesday I hopped on to an “Expresso Bike” at the Scarsdale (ooh, fancy – but not really) New York Sports Club.  For those of you who were too lazy to click on the link above or would have a difficult time navigating multiple windows on your smartphone, an Expresso Bike is a high tech exercise bike.  The bicycle has toggles on the handlebars that allow you to shift gears up and down and there is a screen, which displays a scenic route, in front of the bicycle.  Before you start peddling, you choose a route from one of the many route options, each of which has different scenery, ascents, descents, distances and difficulties.  There are other riders on the screen, you can pass them or they can pass you depending on your speed, the scenery changes (as I was riding a horse started galloping next to me, which was a wonderful, yet strange experience – mostly because I was enjoying the feeling of being in touch with nature, and then I realized that it was in a basement in a gym), you have a speed gauge, your RPMs are displayed and you can see your progress on the course.  It is imperative to keep up with gear shifts, which can be rapid, because you can get mashed by steep ascents that pop up quickly and you can miss the opportunity to take advantage of descents.  Anyway, I finished a 13.66 mile course in 1 hour and 3 minutes, moving at a sloth-like 13 miles per hour (I need to bicycle 25 miles in the triathlon).  I was absolutely spent.  The ascent of 900+ feet killed me.  What is crazy is that this would be a joke of an easy day on the Tour de France.  My pace was pathetically slow.

So here is the thing – I cannot forgive Barry Bonds, Jose Conseco and other PED users who play(ed) baseball.  Baseball players get to bat 4 times, maybe 5 times, per game, swinging a 2.5 pound bat 12 – 25 times a game…that isn’t that tough.  Baseball players might sprint after a ball, running 100 – 200 feet 10 to 15 times a game.  I know that they need to have lightning fast reflexes and would like to hit the ball a long way and pitchers need to throw a ball fast, and they all need to recover from injuries.  However, the stresses on baseball players’ bodies pale in comparison to the torture that football players or, as I am learning, professional cyclists endure. 

All I am saying is that after a little more than (a mere) 13 miles in a little more than 1 hour (forget a Tour De France, which is a 3 week, 2,200 mile ride – yes, that is approximately 100 miles/day – up fantastically steep mountains), I think I could have easily gone for a PED or two.  It would have made walking up the steps @ NYSC much, much easier.

The Mother Run

After running Cinco De Miles for Cinco De Mayo, I felt obligated to create a cheesy-titled run that was inspired by Mothers Day.  The result: The Mother Run.  With no milage requirement implicit in the name "The Mother Run," I had to look to the name of the run for guidance on the distance of the run.  It took me only a moment to realize that this run had to be bigger and badder than any run that I had ever done before (sure, there had only been three...but, it's what I've got).  So, this past Sunday, after BBQing for 11 people at my house (chicken, hot dogs and burgers, for those of you who are curious), cleaning up and putting the kids to bed (all with assistance from family, of course - did you think that I was that good of a person?), I ran longer and harder than I had ever run in my life - I ran 6 miles [queue the smattering of applause from a not-too-impressed group of readers].  I returned from my run at 9:45pm, and as I pried my sneakers off of my feet I truly understood what it felt like to be a mother; I was dead tired and could barely wait to get to bed.

PLUG FOR SPONSORSHIPS: Please donate to an amazing cause and force inspire me to finish this triathlon.  Sure, I ran 6 miles, but I didn't have to swim for a mile and bike for 25 miles before the run.  You can donate directly using your credit card here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/wch/wchtri11/aspiraq31y.  Thank you for your support!

Cinco de Miles for Cinco de Mayo

With today being Cinco De Mayo, I was inspired to run 5 miles on the 5^th day of the 5^th month of the year.  I decided that I would reward myself with a margarita when I finished my run.  Of course, I felt strongly about celebrating Cinco de Mayo because of my deep Mexican roots, which extends as far as a single trip to Acapulco, Mexico when I was about six years-old (I remember 3 things: (i) I got a really nasty sunburn; (ii) there was a guy who worked on the beach named “Watusee” who had something like 20/10 vision and could see things that no one else could; and (iii) there were sharks in the water, so I was too scared to go into the ocean) and 2 years of high school Spanish with Señora Posnik, who I believe was originally from Mexico… or maybe she vacationed there, whatever.

I am happy to report that I am alive and well (better now, with una cervesa in me) after completing my 5 mile run.  And, I want to make it clear that I know that Cinco de Miles is grammatically incorrect; I think it means “five, which belong to miles.”  I don’t really know, but please chime in if you do.  Incidentally, I am glad that all that time and effort that I spent on high school Spanish was an absolute and utter waste.

Finally, I am still flummoxed, confused and confounded by the physical action of drinking and running at the same time.  Currently, what I have worked out is a mechanism that is rather similar to drinking horrible tasting alcohol, such as bad tequila or cheap whiskey – I gather the drink in my mouth, hold my breath and in a single, large gulp I down the contents, sort of like a shot.  If anyone has any suggestions, ideas or recommendations regarding classes or a degree program that I can enroll in where I can learn how to drink while running, I would appreciate it.  I am thinking of Tivo-ing marathons and watching the runners drink in slow motion – I am getting that desperate.

Just a point of clarification, I drink Powerade while running and, unfortunately, not margaritas, tequila or whiskey. 

An Open Apology to Woggers

Dear Wogger,

You know who you are and I owe you an apology.  I have laughed at you and mocked you over the years.  Though I looked down on your clunky, ugly, gray New Balance sneakers and your too-short running shorts, your dress code was never at the heart of my mocking thoughts and scornful looks. 

It was your speed.

Wogger, I mocked you because, though you intended to jog, you moved at the pace of a walk.  Your leg muscles strained, your arms swung back and forth and your sweat-stained shirt all said “run”, yet, sadly, your body responded with “walk”.  Your aspirations were those of a jogger, your reality was that of a walker.  Thus, I dubbed you “Wogger.” 

 “Is that really the best you can do?”

 “That’s just sad.”

“Why don’t you just walk?”

I apologize for these thoughts, for my haughty manner, for my better-than-you attitude, because I have been humbled.  You see, I am now a Wogger, and I am the slowest type of Wogger there is.  I came to this realization as I watched gap grow between me and the fifty-something year-old man who was slowly walking his dog.  Though I was “jogging”, his meandering pace was somehow faster than my own.

So to you, Woggers of the world, I say that I now know that you wog because you refuse to stop.  You wog because you are tired, but refuse to be limited by your body.  You wog, though you are in pain, because you are mentally strong.

I wog because I am in horrible shape.       

(Short-lived) Optimism

Friends and acquaintances who had participated in last year’s triathlon brainwashed encouraged me to sign up for this year’s event, promising that if they could finish, so could I. 

I bought the lie.  I drank the Kool Aid. 

Full of exuberance, devoid of a reality check, I laced up for my first run; nothing too aggressive, just a 30 minute jog.  With sneakers laced up, ipod playlist ready to go and optimism oozing out of my pores, I took off.  I made it half way down the block before a very powerful thought pounded through every corner of my head, “THIS IS A BAD IDEA, TURN AROUND RIGHT NOW!” 

Here is what went wrong: (i) everything hurt, right away; (ii) my breathing was out of control (thank you, asthma!); and (iii) I realized that I had no desire to subject myself to the pain and discomfort and that I was experiencing for another 29 minutes and 30 seconds.  I kept running.

To keep this post on the shorter side, here are some highlights from my 2.75 mile, 30 minute run:

1)     I figured out that my strategy for running needs to be to run as far away from my house as I can until I am sure that I am ready to pass out, and that is when I turn around.  I start to feel like I can’t run anymore at around .2 miles from my house, which is why I wait until I am sure that I am going to pass out, which takes longer.

2)     I discovered that I am unable to do two things at the same time when jogging, namely run and breath, run and think, or run (even slowly) and drink at the same time.  I have been told that drinking while running is something that everyone needs to work on at the beginning, so I don’t feel so bad.  My inability to accurately switch songs on an ipod is by far the most troubling fact.  I feel rather inadequate about this.

3)     I am in horrible shape, despite playing soccer (indoor and outdoor), basketball, softball and taking a boxing class (not all the time, but usually 2 – 3 activities a week).  Apparently, I watch a lot more of the game than I play in it.